Arguing Over Nothing

Are you and your partner arguing about nothing? 

Reflecting on arguments they’ve had, many couples will say, “I don’t even remember why it started,” or, “It was over nothing.” Arguments and conflict may begin to feel frustrating or unresolved for you.

There is a reason you’re arguing with your partner. Dreams, deeply held values, and beliefs lie at the root of every conflict you and your partner have, even if it seems silly at first.

For example, you might dismiss a squabble over who gets to pick the movie for date night as “fighting about nothing.” But, if you investigate why it turned into a tiff at all, you might remember that your opinion or taste was often dismissed by your family growing up. Or maybe your partner is feeling like they aren’t being heard in the relationship or don’t have an equal say.

Digging a little deeper into what causes conflict can help you identify why certain things matter so much to you and your partner and how to unpack them as a team.

Using the Empathy Cards, or an empathetic conversation, can help you move beyond the top layer of dialogue and delve into deeper meaning. Empahetic or “safe space” converations create an opportunity for you to take it in turns to listen, ask questions and validate each other’s perspectivices.

Often, just being heard and being given permission to feel hurt, can go a long way towards resolving old wounds. Though asking what your partner needs, rather than telling them, helps to find workable solutions going forward.

Next time you find you and your partner arguing about “nothing,” consider that it might actually be “something” and take the opportunity to learn, to connect, and to be a better partner.

Get in touch if you would like to learn more about the Empathy Cards and how to create a “safe space” conversations.